I'm back

As you may have noticed my posting time is somewhat strange but that will all change after 12th april for those who know why good for you.Heres a hint, its in s,pore at the national stadium anyways on to the jokes

College Rules
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” Then one of the student asked, “How much for a season pass?”

near death experiance
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital, and while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”
God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

the elivator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

Second post cus i wanna post more jokes

Well heres some more jokes for those who would listen

Zero Gravity Pen!
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.
The Russians just used a pencil.

beloved mother-in-law
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George’s Mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost,him as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul also told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do.”
The Consul says “You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price.”
“No, it’s not that,” says George. “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!

The Blog is Born

Whats up all i'm a joker who wishes to share jokes with people who would actually read them cus some people i know have no sense of humour or never hear me out...for the record both my legs are fine and healthy but as my motto go." I speciallise in the lame and funny" Ok heres my first ever joke post yaaaaaaaah.

So, there is this lady, and she just bought a new home. She was really bored at that time, and nicknamed the house, “Hairy Butt.” A few years later, she got so lonely that she bought a new puppy. Since the house was big, and the dog was so small and black, she named him, “Crack.” Several weeks later, the dog gets lost in the house. So, the old lady came up to her neighbors and said,
“*I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND MY BEAUTIFUL CRACK IN MY BIG HAIRY BUTT. WILL YOU HELP ME?”