('\( '.' )/")

American GovernmentA man walked into the White House and asked one of the guards there: “Is George Bush the President?” and the guard replied “No, his term is over, and there is a new President elect”

The man thanked the guard and left, only to return to the White House the next day. The man entered the building and asked the same guard: “Is George Bush the President?” and again the guard replied “No, I told you before, his term is over, and there is a new President elect!”

Once more the man thanked the guard and left, and once again returned to the White House the next day. The man entered the building and once again asked the same guard: “Is George Bush the President?” and the guard replied “For the last time NO! His term is over, and there is a new President elect! What part don’t you understand?” The man then answered: “Oh I understand exactly what you’re saying, I just like hearing it

("\('.' )/")

Alright......lets just get down to the jokes today.....dont really got much to say today.....yea.....

Santa* and Banta
Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn’t laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, “One day…......” and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quiet as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, “Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?”

Santa said laughing and giggling, “Oh! How funny Banta’s joke was!

*No relevance to the christmas Santa for those who r wondering

Well thats all for today....jus one i'm starting to exhaust myarchive so until next time!

("\( '.')/")

Gah have forgotten to post in th last few days, been very busy.... to make it up here are 4 jokes for the day yes 4 ot the regular 2.....meh.... this is gonna be alot of work

Saw tracks, followed tracksThere were three guys who went hunting. The 1st guy comes back with a deer. “how did you catch that?” “Saw tracks, followed tracks, killed a deer.” The 2nd guy comes back with a bear.”how did you catch that?” they asked.p. “Saw tracks, Followed tracks, killed a bear.” The 3rd guy comes back bleeding, bruised, and torn up. “what happened?” they asked. “Saw tracks, followed tracks, Got hit by a train!”



Struggling to LearnA boy in year seven is having great difficulty understanding mathematics in his school. His parents have tried everything they can think of, Private Tutors, interactive programmes, high disipline schools, and nothing seems to help this boy improve his score.

As a last resort his parents send him to a Catholic school hoping to achieve some better results. The boy gets home after his first day his parents ask him,

“How was School?” The boy does not even respond he looks frightened as well. Before his parents can ask him what is wrong he plonks himself down on a chair and pulls out his maths book and starts to work through it. His parents cannot believe it, and hope to god, litteraly, that he brings home an ‘A’ in his test the very next day. They look at the grade… “IT’S AN A!!” yells his mother and runs up to her son’s bedroom. “What is wrong honey? You just got an A you should be happy!” she asks.


The next day the boy gets home, shaking, gives his parents the test and runs to his room.

The boy replies ,still afraid, “Well, when I walked into the school, I saw this man they nailed to a Plus sign, so I knew they weren’t messing around!”



Betting Problem
Ok so once there was a guy who had a serious betting problem so when he went to the docter the docter said “sir it seems…that…you have…3 testicles” so the guy thinks that is realy awsome so he goes to the bar and opens the doors and says “I BET ONE MILLION DOLLOARS THAT ME AND THE BAR TENDER TOGETHER HAVE 5 TESTICLES” so the bar tender pulls him over and says “buddy i sure do hope u got 4 testicles”



Lettuce, Tomato
So there are 2 teenagers and a kid that are going camping

the 2 teenagers deicide to sleep on the top bunk in the cabin, while the kid sleeps on the bottom bunk

the teenagers want 2 have sex but they dont want the kid to know so they make up codes, lettuce for for faster and tomato for harder

After they yell lettuce and tomato a few times, the kid wakes up and says “will u guys stop making sandwiches?your getting mayo all over my face!”


Ok so the last two kinda suck but hey this isnt any easy job yah know

("\( '.' )/")

THis one came quite late.... ok very late was kinda busy today.... or not.... whatever well delivering a pair of new jokes right now...

annoying guy
one day a man walk into a bar and asks the bartender" do u hav paper clips "the bar tender says "no" so the man left then a couple minutes later the same man walks in and asks the same question the bar tender says no so he left again the man then walks in again and says the same question the bar tender says "if u ask one more time i will nail ur feet 2gether "so he left a couple minutes later the same guy walks in and ask if he bartender hav a hammer and nails the bar said no so the man asks if he had paper clips


who cheated???Three guys die and go to heaven.

At the pearly gates St. Peters says: “Heaven is a giant place and so to get around you’re going to need some type of personal transportation. The quality of this transportation will depend on your truthfullness to this question and how well I judge you based on your answer. My question is: “Have you ever cheated on your spouse and if so, how many times?”

Guy 1 answers: I confess I’ve cheated on her 3 times in my life and I do want forgivness… St. Peters says: That’s fine, you speak the truth and so I award you with a G35.

Guy 2 answers: Please forgive me, I’ve cheated on my wife several times, too many to count. I do regret it after it was all done. I’m sorry. St. Peters says: You are always forgiven, remember to make better decisions next time though, even in heaven. You get an ‘06 Camry.

Guy 3 answers: I have a clean slate. I’ve treated my wife like a queen and have never looked at another woman as long as I have lived. St. Peters says: And I truly do admire you for your purity. Such a wonderful job awards you with a Maserati.

Later that day, The first two guys stop their cars and get out to talk to the third guy, who is sitting on the side of the street, crying. They ask “What happened?” He answers: “I just saw my wife and she was on a skatebord!”

("\( '.' )/")

Hey its me again, though by now you should already know that..... anyways i dont really have much to say now adays, been sleeping real late so this posts come around the time i wake up dependingly........any way you didnt need to know that, on to the jokes

Pet Diaries
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…...

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity… My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now….............



Masterbathing Kid
One day there was a kid masterbathing in his room.Then his dad walks in.The dad said,son you got to stop masterbathing or youll be blind.The kid says," DAD im behind you!"

......Do i honestly need a title for this?.......

Whazzap , meh forgot to post yesterday.... but still, i have a whole catalouge of jokes top pick from since i have some helpers sending me jsome jokes as well.... but you didnt need to know that so........yea..... on to the jokes ("\( '.' )/") a bear lol

heavens gates
so there is this guy whos walkin up to heavens gates. THe angel at the gate says “look bob, you didnt do very many good things in ur life,” bob responds”what are u talkin about? ther was this one time were i saw a bike gang gangbangin a teenage girl. i got so mad i took the spare tire from my car and i hit the leader of the gang on the head!” the man at the gate said”thats very impressive. when did this happen?” bob replied “oh a couple minutes ago.”

Bar Bet
two guys walk in a bar and see a guy wasted, as they order drinks they see him walk up to the two men, he says that for 200 hundred dollars he will jump a building and float back up, the two men agreed, the drunk man jumps off the building and floats back up, the 2 men figured it was a meer trick so they jumped, and died, the drunk man stoled their valuables and rentered the bar, WAITER 1 MORE BEER PLEASE the waiter says superman your an asshole!!!

Spread the word, this place has been revived

YEa cus, most think its dead already so spread the word........... now! juz kiddin take your time and while you're here enjoy these random jokes


The bussiness man and the donkey
One day a bussiness man took a vacation to the Grand Canyon.
when he got to the grand cayon he saw a hespanic man renting donkeys to people. He goes up to the man, and ask” how much is it for a donkey”
the man replies” 25$ a day”
“okay” replies the bussiness man” i’ll take the strongest looking donkey that you have, that one over there”
“I dont think you want that one seinor, he no look to good.” replied the man
“what are you talking about, that ones the strongest looking one you got” yelled the business man
“okay senior you can have that one, but i warned you.”
the bussisness man takes the donkey, and goes to tour the grand cayon and all of its mysteries that make it fasanating
later that night the bussies man returns without the donkey, and with a broken arm and a broken leg.
he crawls to the man and yells “that stupid donkey walked right off the cliff!!!!!!!!!!!
the man sadly replies”i told you seinor he didn’t look to good.”


WAlking on water
A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to go fishing together, so they meet up and row out to a spot the rabbi and the minister have used before.
Not long after they cast the lines the rabbi exclaims that he has left his flask in the boot of the car. He leaps over the side of the boat and walks across the water returning a few minutes later with the flask. The priest is dumfounded but can only put this feat down to the fact that the rabbi must be a very religious and pious person.
As lunchtime approaches, the minister confesses that he has left the sandwiches in the car. So he too jumps over the side of the boat and runs back across the water, returning shortly with his lunch. Again the priest is amazed but can only put it down to the fact that the minister must also be a very religious and pious person.
They settle back into the fishing and they are having reasonable luck. In fact they were doing so well that they start to run low on bait. The priest says no problem, I have plenty in the car, I’ll nip over and get some. He is quite sure that he is just as religious and pious as the rabbi and the minister so he leaps over the side of the boat and promptly disappears underwater. As he surfaces for the third time the minister turns to the rabbi and says “Morris, shouldn’t we tell him where the stepping stones are ?”

Whew finally back

After all the things that have happened till yesterday i have finally found time to revive this blog....... god, took me long enough

This first ones goona be quite random if you can even understand it

What the Blind man saw
One fine day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys* got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other, One was blind and the other couldn’t, see So they chose a dummy for a referee. A blind man went to see fair play, A dumb man went to shout “hooray!” A paralysed donkey passing by, Kicked the blind man in the eye, Knocked him through a nine inch wall, Into a dry ditch and drowned them all, A deaf policeman heard the noise, And came to arrest the two dead boys, If you don’t believe this story’s true, Ask the blind man he saw it too!

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following menu options:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the MotherShip.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”

Here is a funny self-explainatory pic

Sorry been quite lazy lately

Keep falling asleep for some reason..... must be that i'm watching too much anime..... nah maybe not... anyway heres another update for the waiting audience out there so go ahead and laugh your head off or something like that

Dental hygiene
Two male medical students are examining a sperm sample through a microscope. A girl student enters the lab and notices the surprised boys.
Girl: “Hi, what are you guys doing?”
They look at each other during an unconfortable silence.
One of the boys: “We’re looking at … umm … saliva.” Girl: “Oh, good. Can I see it?”
The boys let the girl take a look. In a few moments a professor enters.
Professor: “Hi, what are you guys looking at so intesively?” Girl: “It’s a sample of saliva.” Boys: “Er…” Professor: “Excellent. May I take a look?”
Professor takes off his glasses, takes a quick look at the microscope and smirks.
—“Miss, maybe you should clean your teeth more carefully…”

The Six Affairs
The first affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded..‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied,‘I’m having an affair with my secretary.We had sex all afternoon.’She looked down at his shoes and said:‘You lying bastard!You’ve been playing golf!’
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’ The wife smiled sweetly and replied:‘Not this time!’
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,about to be cremated,and made a startling discovery.Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.’ So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home‘I have something to show you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed,‘Schwartz is dead!’
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
‘Hurry,’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
‘Don’t move until I tell you,’
she said, ‘pretend you’re a statue.’
‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied,
‘the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.’
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
‘Here,’ he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.’
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,went to the bar and ordered a beer.‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed.He glanced at the menu and asked:‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’‘A nickel,’ the barman replied ‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man.‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’The bartender replied:‘Upstairs, with my wife.’The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairswith your wife?’The bartender replied:‘The same thing I’m doingto his business down here.’
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.He looked up and said weakly:I have something I must confess.’‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied.‘No,’ he insisted,‘I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,her best friend, and your mother!’‘I know,’ she replied,‘now just rest and let the poison work.’

Exams r over!

Yes exams r finally over so i finally got the computer back.... yea so i have returned again, funnier, radomer, jokier! Ok so there aint no such word but, you get the point

Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: 1) My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()’s were crossed out.]
12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.
16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17) Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor


The Lazy Mens And The Lightbulbs
How many lazy mens are needed to change a lightbulb? 3. one to hold the lightbulb and the others to spin the ladder

Cbox lolz

Well i finally got one put up... took me awhile to figure out how but yay! and thanks for the support that website will come in handy as well... now lets see what others i can think up.....

The three men on an island.
There was 3 men on an island and they came across a genie that will grant them one wish each. He asks the first man what he wants. The First man says. “I wish for a helicopter to get off this god forbidden island.” So the genie grants the wish. The second man says. “I wish for a bridge that goes to the other side, and will then vanish.” So the genie grants the wish. The third man thinks long and hard about his wish and he starts to get lonely. He says… “God I wish those guys were back here.”

Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

Today...Yay

Well i kinda have almost no comments left i'd rather make so.....yay its today...dont i dont know why its a yay.....anyway lets get on to the jokes and remember.........something!

It's Dark In Here
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have a football.’ Man – ‘That’s nice.’ Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’ Man – ‘No, thanks.’ Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’ Man – ‘OK, how much?’ Boy – ‘£250’
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together…
Boy – ‘Dark in here.’ Man – ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have football boots.
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’ Boy – ‘£750’ Man – ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, ‘Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game. The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.’ The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’ Boy – ‘£1,000.’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again. You’re in my cupboard now.’


A Priest and a Bussiness Man
A priest & a businessman were playing golf, After playing several holes,the businessman’s game takes a turn 4 the worse. “Damn! I missed!” he swears, as his ball lands in a sand bunker. The priest is understandably shocked & astonishes the businessman, “Do not swear, my son. You will incur God’s Wrath.” The next time the businessman fails, however,he exclaims again,”Damn! I missed!” The priest gets very angry & scolds him severely: “My son, you place yourself in great jeopardy by your words!” But alas,as the businessman’s ball again fails to roll where he wants it to,he yells loudly: “Damn, I missed!” Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes from the clear sky & reduces the priest to a pile of smoldering ash & a booming voice from heaven shouts: “DAMN! I MISSED!”

I'm back after......... a long time.... yea lets go with that, well been busy and all but dont worry! I'm.... Back anyways got lots of new jokes for you guys

Bad Drivers
There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ’’Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!’‘
Herman says, ’’I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!’‘

god will save me
*One day a man fell out of a boat and started to drowned.
A boat comes along, “Do you need any help.”
The man replies “no. god will save me.”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
He finally drowns and goes to heaven.
He asks god “Why didn’t you save me?”
God says “I sent you 3 big boats you idiot!!

Haha lols

More jokes but instead of words, i'll use pictures now, after all, a pictures sepaks a thousand words, got hit by a bike today folks dont worry though i'm fine

More jokes :p

Yes n i forgot something... to those who wish to help me improve this blog send an email to unknown.fighter@hotmail.com, who will in turn send the message to me so as to make sure i dont get spammed.....

THis joke was sent to me without a title,m hope you like it...
a man knocks on an other mans door at 2am in the morning its pooring down with rain the man in the house wakes up and opens the door the man outside says “can i have a push?” the man indoors says no!im not giving you a push its 2am the man indoors wife asked who was that the man indoors says some dude who wanted a push the wife syas , but would’nt it be realy nice if we broke down and someone gave us a push? the man indoor says well allright then he gets his chloths on and goes outside the man was gone he shouts “where are you?” the man outside shouts “im on the swings”

The chatroom
One day, a costumer entered a computers shop and starts talking with the salesman:
- Hello.
- Hello, do you have anything I can help you with?
- Well, I have a question about chatrooms.
- Please, continue.
- Yesterday, I entered a chatroom, and I saw some impressive stuff!!!
- What do you mean?
- Well, it’s a WAR out there!! You see, I just entered and my screen was full of messages!!
- Well, that’s called spam. It’s when someone sends a message 5 times in a row.
- I see. I saw some LOL’s too. What is it?
- Laughing out load.
- Why are you laughing at me??? I find it quite abusive that you are laughing my face, you know?
- No, I mean, Laughing out Load is…
- Stop that! I’m not liking it! I can call the police right now!
- That’s what LOL means!! L-a-u-g-h-i-n-g o-u-t l-o-a-d!! Do you understand now?
- Ah… OK, yes. Well, and what is a OMG? I saw lots there too.
- Well, OMG stands for Oh my God, wich…
- I don’t like how you talk to me, boy! Just because I’m not familiar with this computer terms, it doesn’t mean you can mock me, OK?
- That’s what it stands for!!!! That’s the meaning!!
- Ah sorry, I didn’t understood right away. That’s some funny stuff. I never though Internet was so complex!
- Well, Internet is big!
- Well, I even saw some WTF! What is that? An insect?
- What the fuck!
- LISTEN TO ME, BOY! I’ll leave this store right away, and I’ll call the police, and I hope you will be jailed! What a terrible person you are!

School hols r here.....

as such i may be able to post more jokes than i have....may.....any ways if you have any ideas on how i can improve this blog email me

cinderblock
A womens first child gos up to her mom and asks, “mom, why did you name me daisy?”
The mom says,”Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head.
The women’s second child asks her,”Mommy, why did you name me rose?”
The mom replied,” because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head.
The lady’s third child yells incoherently
Then the mom yells back,” SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK

Excuse for not going to school
A mother walks up to her sons room, and wakes him up
SON: ’’But mum! i dont want to go to school today!’‘
MOTHER: ’’Okay then, give me two good reasons why you shouldnt go to school’‘
SON: ’’Well, because Kids hate me, and because teachers hate me!’‘
MOTHER: ’’Not good enough…’‘
SON: ’’Ok, you give me two GOOD reasons why i SHOULD go to school’‘
MOTHER: ’’One, because youre 45 years old, Two, because you are the principal’‘

I'm back

As you may have noticed my posting time is somewhat strange but that will all change after 12th april for those who know why good for you.Heres a hint, its in s,pore at the national stadium anyways on to the jokes

College Rules
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” Then one of the student asked, “How much for a season pass?”

near death experiance
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital, and while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”
God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

the elivator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

Second post cus i wanna post more jokes

Well heres some more jokes for those who would listen

Zero Gravity Pen!
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.
The Russians just used a pencil.

beloved mother-in-law
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George’s Mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost,him as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul also told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do.”
The Consul says “You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price.”
“No, it’s not that,” says George. “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!

The Blog is Born

Whats up all i'm a joker who wishes to share jokes with people who would actually read them cus some people i know have no sense of humour or never hear me out...for the record both my legs are fine and healthy but as my motto go." I speciallise in the lame and funny" Ok heres my first ever joke post yaaaaaaaah.

So, there is this lady, and she just bought a new home. She was really bored at that time, and nicknamed the house, “Hairy Butt.” A few years later, she got so lonely that she bought a new puppy. Since the house was big, and the dog was so small and black, she named him, “Crack.” Several weeks later, the dog gets lost in the house. So, the old lady came up to her neighbors and said,
“*I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND MY BEAUTIFUL CRACK IN MY BIG HAIRY BUTT. WILL YOU HELP ME?”