This first ones goona be quite random if you can even understand it
What the Blind man saw
One fine day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys* got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other, One was blind and the other couldn’t, see So they chose a dummy for a referee. A blind man went to see fair play, A dumb man went to shout “hooray!” A paralysed donkey passing by, Kicked the blind man in the eye, Knocked him through a nine inch wall, Into a dry ditch and drowned them all, A deaf policeman heard the noise, And came to arrest the two dead boys, If you don’t believe this story’s true, Ask the blind man he saw it too!
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following menu options:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the MotherShip.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”
Here is a funny self-explainatory pic
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