Well i finally got one put up... took me awhile to figure out how but yay! and thanks for the support that website will come in handy as well... now lets see what others i can think up.....
The three men on an island.
There was 3 men on an island and they came across a genie that will grant them one wish each. He asks the first man what he wants. The First man says. “I wish for a helicopter to get off this god forbidden island.” So the genie grants the wish. The second man says. “I wish for a bridge that goes to the other side, and will then vanish.” So the genie grants the wish. The third man thinks long and hard about his wish and he starts to get lonely. He says… “God I wish those guys were back here.”
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Today...Yay
Well i kinda have almost no comments left i'd rather make so.....yay its today...dont i dont know why its a yay.....anyway lets get on to the jokes and remember.........something!
It's Dark In Here
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have a football.’ Man – ‘That’s nice.’ Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’ Man – ‘No, thanks.’ Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’ Man – ‘OK, how much?’ Boy – ‘£250’
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together…
Boy – ‘Dark in here.’ Man – ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have football boots.
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’ Boy – ‘£750’ Man – ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, ‘Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game. The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.’ The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’ Boy – ‘£1,000.’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again. You’re in my cupboard now.’
A Priest and a Bussiness Man
A priest & a businessman were playing golf, After playing several holes,the businessman’s game takes a turn 4 the worse. “Damn! I missed!” he swears, as his ball lands in a sand bunker. The priest is understandably shocked & astonishes the businessman, “Do not swear, my son. You will incur God’s Wrath.” The next time the businessman fails, however,he exclaims again,”Damn! I missed!” The priest gets very angry & scolds him severely: “My son, you place yourself in great jeopardy by your words!” But alas,as the businessman’s ball again fails to roll where he wants it to,he yells loudly: “Damn, I missed!” Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes from the clear sky & reduces the priest to a pile of smoldering ash & a booming voice from heaven shouts: “DAMN! I MISSED!”
It's Dark In Here
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have a football.’ Man – ‘That’s nice.’ Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’ Man – ‘No, thanks.’ Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’ Man – ‘OK, how much?’ Boy – ‘£250’
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together…
Boy – ‘Dark in here.’ Man – ‘Yes, it is.’ Boy – ‘I have football boots.
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’ Boy – ‘£750’ Man – ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, ‘Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game. The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.’ The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’ Boy – ‘£1,000.’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again. You’re in my cupboard now.’
A Priest and a Bussiness Man
A priest & a businessman were playing golf, After playing several holes,the businessman’s game takes a turn 4 the worse. “Damn! I missed!” he swears, as his ball lands in a sand bunker. The priest is understandably shocked & astonishes the businessman, “Do not swear, my son. You will incur God’s Wrath.” The next time the businessman fails, however,he exclaims again,”Damn! I missed!” The priest gets very angry & scolds him severely: “My son, you place yourself in great jeopardy by your words!” But alas,as the businessman’s ball again fails to roll where he wants it to,he yells loudly: “Damn, I missed!” Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes from the clear sky & reduces the priest to a pile of smoldering ash & a booming voice from heaven shouts: “DAMN! I MISSED!”
Monday, September 8, 2008
I'm back after......... a long time.... yea lets go with that, well been busy and all but dont worry! I'm.... Back anyways got lots of new jokes for you guys
Bad Drivers
There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ’’Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!’‘
Herman says, ’’I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!’‘
god will save me
*One day a man fell out of a boat and started to drowned.
A boat comes along, “Do you need any help.”
The man replies “no. god will save me.”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
He finally drowns and goes to heaven.
He asks god “Why didn’t you save me?”
God says “I sent you 3 big boats you idiot!!
Bad Drivers
There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ’’Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!’‘
Herman says, ’’I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!’‘
god will save me
*One day a man fell out of a boat and started to drowned.
A boat comes along, “Do you need any help.”
The man replies “no. god will save me.”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
Another boat comes along.
“do you need any help”
“no. god will save me”
He finally drowns and goes to heaven.
He asks god “Why didn’t you save me?”
God says “I sent you 3 big boats you idiot!!
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